Sunday, 25 January 2015

To Advance Australia Where?

G'day possums,

Shane being Patriotic.

It's Straya Day  and for the first time we are being exhorted to sing the National Anthem at midday tomorrow.

That this rather Americanised concept of plastic patriotism/jingoism is gaining a foothold in this country at present is a definite indication that there's actually little to celebrate.

But as a loyal, patriotic and involved member of "Toim Striaya" I have penned an alternate version for tomorrow's festivities....

... To the tune of  Advance Australia Fair

Advance Australia Where?

Bogans all let us lament
That we are full of fear
We've privatised all in making wealth
For investors not from here
Our abundant natures gifts are raped
For compensation poor
Oft wrapped in flags of Chinese make
For ranting mindless slogans of hate
In words fully three and sometimes more
Advance Australia Where?

Below our smoggy Southern Cross
All things made wrecked by Rabid whim
And 457’s on the rise
Our future does look grim
We say to those fleeing shock and awe
“We’re bloody full so fuck right off
Illegal Queue jumpers welcomed here
Only if your Burqa’s doffed”
Still Oz Flagged wrapped in sentiment fake
Advance Australia Where?

Chained Indigineous People
Chained Indigineous People
It's interesting to note that until the 60's the Aborigine was classified under Flora and Fauna.

Australia Day, Greendale 2015

Australia Day, Greendale 2015

Australia Day, Greendale 2015

Australia Day, Greendale 2015

Australia Day, Greendale 2015

Australia Day, Greendale 2015
We popped down the The Greendale Pub to have a gander at their Striaya Day celebrations....My anthem would probably not have been appreciated by many...wrong audience. Hey-Ho.

Wombat Droppings 
or the chronicle of the inexorable slide of a country into Fascism

Rabid-the-Hun has been (allegedly) catching up on his reading because Campbell "Il Duce" Newman, Dictator of the Deep North will not invite him to participate in his election games.  Rabid's behaviour is rather suspect at the moment as "Il Duce" looks like losing his own seat and his Fascist rabble are perilously close to being made the opposition after only one term like "DoDo" Naptime was recently in The Tardis State of Victoria (Where-All-Goes-Backward) election. 
Newman has amused many of us with his defence of his regime by accusing Labor of receiving funds through the CFMEU Union  with funds allegedly  donated by Outlaw MC Clubs.
When pressed publicly as to where the evidence was for this, "Il Duce" said, ".... we should look it up on Wikki!"
Most of us were unaware that "Ozone-Hole" Hunt, Federal Pretend Environment Minister was advising the Deep Northerners on research method or that these "donations" were any different from receiving  cash "assistance" from mining companies or property developers in brown paper bags and envelopes.
 Making legislation retrospective to avoid friends' illegal practices embarrassing the government though, is quite another matter.

Rabid-the-Hun has, I understand, been been reading  Julius Ceasar By Will Shakespeare, particularly the "Ides of March" bit and  reportedly has been seeking alternative interpretations of the text from his lowly back-benchers.

It is also apparent that the pirate vessel, he Captains, the S.S. Liarbril is not steering too well as it keeps steaming  in circles, which is not quite what the driving instructions supplied by "The-Coot's-With-Queer-Ideas-From-a-Parallel-Universe" (aka the IPA) intended.

 First Mate "Bloody Idiot" Credlin is thought to be at blame for this although the Navigator, Joe "Cereal/Toyota-Killer" Hockey is obviously in difficulty reading charts and calculating Latitude and Longitude but does have some excuse as his assistant, "Horse-Shite" Coormann only issues direction instruction in either broken English or Belgian: only one of which does Joe "Cereal/Toyota-Killer" partially understand.

 Captain  Rabid said he has tried scraping some barnacles off the hull but S.S. Liarbril's plate is so thin that its hull is now in danger of collapsing and she is settling lower and lower in the muck it has churned up.
It is unfortunate that the IPA's original instructions were very limited in concept and sophistication and were not related to how to build things but only to disassemble.

Many passengers have left the cruise early and it would seem that the toy-maker, "The Ugly American" Murdoch and his minions at CWQIFaPU, (IPA) have not done their respective reputations much good.
 The stench coming from the boiler room at this time is not at all like the Coal these pirates so like, it's more akin to the funk of a wounded animal waiting for the Ides of March.

Breaking news: In the Australia Day Honours lists Captain Rabid has given Phil-the-Greek (Betty Windsor's other half) a gong, a knighthood! Now Australia's Prime Miniature bestowing a knighthood on a British Monarch's hubby might seem a little bit cart before horse  but that's the way things are being done around here. That it is an entirely ludicrous idea and likely to have more people crying out not just for 1/ a Double Dissolution of Parliament, 2/ a Republic, 3/ Revolution or 4/ Rabid-the-Hun's committal isnot too fanciful.
That his own crew might be brought that much closer to mutiny with this insane display arse-licking fawning is also not out of the question.

Hoo-roo Petals,

No comments:

Post a Comment